Almighty Allah has prescribed certain rights of the husband towards
their wives. The Holy Quraan says: "The women have almost the same
rights over men as men have certain rights over the women in kindness."
Sayyiduna Rasoolullah (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam) has said: "Best among you are those who behave well with the women." (*1).
The Prophet of Allah (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam) has also said: "I
make a Wasiyyat to you about the women, so obey my will." (*2).
In another Hadith, the Beloved Habeeb (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam)
is reported to have said: "No believing man should have enmity and
hatred against a believing woman. If he dislikes certain habits of that
woman, there would certainly be some virtues in her too." (*3).
The Hadith means that the woman must be having both good and bad
habits. Man should not always point out her bad habits only. He should
also appreciate her good habits.
There are certain obligations that men owe to the women and these obligations should be fully appreciated.
- Every husband has the obligation to provide for the sustenance
of his wife. She should be provided with adequate food, a comfortable
home, suitable clothes and other basic amenities of life. He should
always bear in mind that this woman has disassociated herself from her
parents, brothers and sisters, relatives and friends and has joined him
to share all the ups and downs of life. Hence, it has become his duty to
look after her basic needs and comforts.
- It should be remembered that husbands, who never bother for the
sustenance of their wives, commit a severe crime of depriving Allah's
creatures of their rights. Such people would be dealt with severely in
the Court of Allah. The Holy Quraan says: "Men are the protectors and
maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength)
than the other, and because they support them from their means." (4:34)
- The husband should satisfy his wife's physical needs. The
Sharee'ah has not prescribed any limit for this. But, he has to ensure
that woman's minimum sexual requirements are met so that she may not
commit a sin by eyeing other men in order to quench her thirst. There
are certain men who, after marriage, do not take care of the sexual
needs of their wives. Such people are great sinners and will be severely
convicted in the Court of Allah. Almighty Allah has granted women the
right to conjugal relations with their husbands. The importance of this
right can be well understood by the following example of Ameerul
Mohmineen Sayyiduna Omar al-Farouk (radi Allahu anhu): It is reported
that he was on his routine inspection round at night in Madinatul
Munawwara when he heard an old lady moaning and reciting melancholic
couplets. The Caliph stopped there and listened to the wailing lady. He
investigated the matter and came to know that the husband of the woman
had gone for Jihad long time ago and this woman has been remembering her
husband with these sad couplets. The Ameer was deeply moved and
immediately issued an official Decree to all chiefs of his army that no
married man should be away from his wife for more than four months.
(*4).
- The husband should not beat up his wife without her committing a
most severe crime. The Messenger of Allah (sallal laahu alaihi
wasallam) has said: "Nobody should beat up his wife as he does beat up
his slave. He should make love with her later some time." (*5).
-
However, if the woman commits a bigger crime, the husband can
beat her not in vengeance but with the intention of reforming her and as
a warning. While beating, he should take care that she should not be
hurt seriously. The Books of Fiqhah have mentioned that the husband can
punish his wife for four things:
- If the husband orders his wife to decorate herself with ornaments and legitimate make-up but she disobeys and remains dirty.
- If the husband invites her to bed and she refuses without any legitimate reason.
- If she does not take bath to purify herself after menses.
- If she abstain from performing Salaah without a legitimate reason
In the above circumstances, the husband should first persuade the
wife. If she does not agree to comply with his requests, he may threaten
her. If she still does not obey him, he can beat her barring her face.
He should not beat her so severely to the extent of a fracture or a
severe wound.
- In order to bring peace and prosperity in the married life, both
the wife and the husband should take care of each others sentiments and
emotions. The anger of husband brings to the wife nothing but tension,
depression and confusion. Similarly, the anger of the wife brings to the
husband nothing but disappointment, mental torture, frustration and
bitterness. It is, therefore, advisable to both husband and wife to be
patient and compassionate in their dealings.
- The husband should never appreciate the beauty and other merits
of strange woman in front of his wife. This may lead to create jealousy
and suspicion in the mind of his wife. She would think that her husband
has some illicit relations with that woman. This thought is a poison
that kills matrimonial relations. If a man cannot tolerate that his wife
should wrongly be associated with another man, the wife also cannot
tolerate another woman to share her husband. The woman cannot listen to
praise and admiration of another woman through the lips of her husband
even if that another woman happens to be his mother or sister or some
other close relative.
- Man is, undoubtedly, made a ruler over the woman but it does not
mean that he should ask her to do a work, which is beyond her capacity,
or a work which she would not like to do. If the husband still insists
his wife to do the work against her will, she would accomplish that job
unwillingly and this would create a sort of disgust against her husband,
which would ultimately mar their matrimonial life.
- The husband should from time to time censure the life style of
his wife - sometimes in a harsh tone, sometimes with love and affection
and sometimes with persuasion. There are husbands who always keep a rod
hanging with their moustaches and never treat their wives in a good
manner other than rebuking and beating them. Such wives get frustrated
and start hating their husbands. There are other hen-pecked husbands who
over-pamper their wives even after they commit severe blunders. Their
wives become stubborn and outspoken.
- The husband should implement this couplet of Sa'di of Shiraz in
their life. He says: "Strictness and pampering are very good things but
at appropriate times". For example, the surgeon cuts open the wound but
at the same time apply soothing ointment. Likewise, the husband should
not be very strict nor very soft. A middle path always brings good
results.
- The husband, while setting out on a tour, should go to his wife
and informally seek her consent in a loving manner and as a matter of
goodwill. He may ask her to invoke the Almighty Allah that the journey
may prove safe and beneficial for him. Similarly, while returning from
the tour he should bring some exclusive gifts for her. This gesture
would encourage the wife to think with satisfaction that my husband
loves me to the extent that even if he was away engaged in his business
activities, he remembered me. Thus, a simple initiative on the part of
the husband will win over the heart of his wife.
- If the woman brings anything from her father's house or prepares
herself and presents it to the husband, he should express gratitude and
appreciate it. This will please her. The husband should never reject or
discard or criticize any gift offered by his wife.
- If the wife falls sick, the husband should dedicatedly look
after her. He should take extra pain in her nursing, feeding, etc. This
little service will win over the heart of the wife and she will be very
grateful to the husband.
- The husband should express his full confidence and trust in his
wife and, to prove this, he should hand over the domain of the house to
her so that she may feel dignified and involved. The Holy Prophet of
Islam (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam) has said that the woman is the
guardian and caretaker of her husband's house and Almighty Allah will
take an account from her in this regard on the Day of Judgment.
- The very benefit of relying on the wife would be that she would
feel herself responsible for a vital department in the set up of the
household. This will give the husband an opportunity to freely think of
other things regarding the promotion and progress of his business.
- The husband should never share the secrets of her wife with
others. Sayyiduna Rasoolullah (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam) has said:
"Worst is the person in the sight of Allah who goes to his wife and then
discloses her secrets and lowers her status in the eyes of others."
(*6).
- The husband should be neat and clean as he expects the same from his wife. He should look smart, dynamic and a loveable person.
- The husband should provide her with the paraphernalia of
personal hygiene such as soap, hair oil, comb, Mehndi, perfumes, etc.
so that the wife may keep herself neat and clean and in better looks.
- The husband should not level charges of corrupt practices
against his wife without going into the depth of the matter. The
relationship between a husband and a wife is based purely on mutual
understanding. They have to trust each other. Any baseless suspicion
against each other would mar the relations of the husband and wife. A
Hadith says: "One Bedouin came to the court of the Holy Prophet (sallal
laahu alaihi wasallam) and said, "O Allah's Apostle (sallal laahu alaihi
wasallam), my wife has delivered a child who is dark complexioned and
does not resemble me. I am sure it is not my child. The Holy Prophet
(sallal laahu alaihi wasallam) said, "Do you have some camels? He said,
Yes, I have many camels. The Holy Prophet (sallal laahu alaihi
wasallam) asked, What is the color of those camels? He said, They are
brown. The Prophet of Islam (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam) asked, Are
there some grey camels among them? He said, Yes, a few of them are grey.
The Prophet (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam) said, Tell me how those
brown camels gave birth to these grey camels? He said, Some camel among
the ancestors of my brown camels would have been of grey color and these
grey camels might have taken their origin from that particular camel.
The Holy Prophet (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam) said, Similarly, it is
possible that anyone among your ancestors would have been of black
complexion and your child might have inherited his genetic influence.
(*7).
- If there is some difference of opinion between the husband and
wife, the husband should not make a hurry to pronounce divorce to her.
He should exercise restraint. After his anger subsides, he should ponder
over the entire matter with a cool mind. He may seek the advice of his
elders in this matter and decide whether or not there is a chance of
reconciliation and settlement. If a point of understanding and
reconciliation emerges, he should act accordingly and refrain from
breaking the wedlock. The Beloved Habeeb (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam)
has said that the divorce is the most disliked things among the
permissible things in the sight of Almighty Allah. (*8).
- If both husband and wife feel that there is no way out except
the separation, the husband should pronounce one Talaaq after the woman
clears her menses. There will be a temporary separation between them.
This period will give them enough time to review their decision of
separation. If they think that reconciliation is in their interest, the
husband should take his wife back in his arms and forget what had
happened between them. But if they think that they can no more live
together, the husband should pronounce the second Talaaq after she
clears her menses. The second pronouncement separates both of them. They
have still a time to think of reconciliation. If they decide to live
together, they have to perform the Nikah afresh after the period of
Iddat is over. If they do not go for any reconciliation till the
completion of the Iddat period, the third Talaaq will automatically come
into force bringing a permanent separation between them. They cannot
enter wedlock unless they go for Halalah. Halalah means that the woman
should marry another man and have physical intercourse with him. The
husband number two should divorce her. After the completion of the
period of Iddat, she can marry the husband number one again.
- There are some ignorant persons who play with the word Talaaq.
They pronounce the divorce over minor clashes with their wives. After
the pronouncement of divorce they repent and rush to the theologians and
Muftis and force them to give a verdict in their favor. Some persons,
while approaching the theologians, tell a lie that they had pronounced
only one Talaaq. The Mufti has to allow them to retain their wives
according to the Law of Sharee'ah. Thus, these ignorant people get
themselves involved in establishing relations with a woman who is
otherwise not to be taken as wife without Halalah.
- If a man possesses more than one wife, it is obligatory on him
to do justice with them. There should be equal treatment among wives in
respect of sustenance, living conditions and personal attention. He has
to spend equal time with every one of them. The Holy Prophet (sallal
laahu alaihi wasallam) has said that if a man has two wives and does not
treat them equally, he would be raised on the Day of Judgment with half
his body paralyzed. (*9).
- If the husband faces some trouble because of the misbehavior of
his wife, he should try to avoid her and keep patience. Woman's
arrogance and foolishness is a natural phenomenon. The Glorious Prophet
of Islam (sallal laahu alaihi wasallam) has said: "Woman has been
created from the bent rib of Adam. If somebody tries to make the bent
bone straight, it will rather break instead of becoming straight.
Similarly, if someone tries to set his wife right, there will be more a
chance of separation instead of improvement in her nature.
- The husband should not behave as a miser in meeting the
materialistic requirements of his wife nor should he go for extravagance
in her maintenance. He should define his expenditure as per his
capacity.
- The husband should not confine his wife within the four walls of
his house. She should be taken to her parents and relatives from time
to time provided these visits do not bring any trouble to the peace of
his house.
|
0 comments:
Post a Comment